The Art of Avoiding Fights: Why Real Fighters Don’t Start Them

In my years as a martial artist, I’ve encountered countless individuals who think fighting is about bravado, ego, or proving something. They puff their chests, talk a big game, and jump at the chance to throw punches. Yet, many of these individuals have no real skill, no understanding of the consequences of their actions, no respect for the damage a fight can cause, and certainly no concept of control. They’re all bark and no bite, but their lack of knowledge makes them dangerous to themselves and others.

On the other hand, someone like me, a trained martial artist, doesn’t step into fights unless absolutely necessary. Why? Because I know the reality of what could happen. A real fight isn’t like the movies. People don’t walk away unscathed. A single mistake or poorly placed strike can send someone to the hospital or worse, to the morgue. Or you can get caught up in a lengthy court case. And for what? A bruised ego? A momentary high from “winning”? It’s not worth the cost.

When you know how to fight, you know the potential damage your skills can inflict. You also understand the consequences. It’s not just about broken bones or injuries, it’s about the aftermath. In the real world, when a fight breaks out, someone might end up in jail. Someone might face legal charges. And someone might not get to walk away at all.

As a martial artist, I’ve trained to handle combat effectively and efficiently, but the discipline and respect instilled in me by my training make me avoid it whenever possible. I don’t want to hurt anyone unnecessarily, and I definitely don’t want to end up behind bars because I let my emotions get the best of me. The person provoking the fight may not understand this, but I do, and it’s what keeps me grounded.

Here’s the truth: fighting isn’t about proving how tough you are. It’s not about showing off or putting someone in their place. Real fighters, the ones who’ve trained, who’ve seen what combat can do, don’t have anything to prove. Our goal isn’t to dominate or humiliate; it’s to defend when necessary and walk away when possible.

The person who loves to pick fights but doesn’t know how to fight is driven by insecurity. They think their aggression makes them look strong. In reality, it’s the opposite. True strength lies in restraint, in knowing when to walk away, and in understanding that not every challenge requires a response. If you’re confident in your skills, you don’t need to flex them unnecessarily.

As a martial artist, my priority is always to avoid conflict. When you know what you’re capable of, you don’t want to unleash that power without cause. In a world full of hotheads looking for trouble, I practice de-escalation. I’ve trained for years to master my body and my mind, and part of that mastery is knowing how to avoid trouble.

If someone provokes me, my first thought isn’t to fight back. My first thought is: How do I get out of this situation safely? I think about my loved ones. I think about my responsibilities. I think about the fact that I don’t want to waste my life sitting in a jail cell because I couldn’t control my temper.

Walking away from a fight doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise. It shows that you understand what’s really at stake. As someone trained to fight, I know how easy it is to hurt someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. That knowledge is sobering. It’s why I don’t fight unless I absolutely have to.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where someone’s trying to provoke you, ask yourself: Is this worth it? Nine times out of ten, the answer is no. Protecting yourself isn’t just about physical defense, it’s about protecting your future, your freedom, and your peace of mind.

Being a martial artist isn’t about starting fights; it’s about knowing how to finish them, if you absolutely have to. But more than that, it’s about discipline, control, and respect. The real fight is internal: mastering your emotions, letting go of your ego, and choosing the path of peace over violence.

So to those who love to get into fights without knowing how to fight… reconsider your choices, because you might meet a skilled fighter one day, and not know what kind of consequences you will face. And to my fellow martial artists: remember that true strength isn’t about showing off your skills, it’s about knowing when not to use them. The goal in learning self defense is to be confident enough to walk away from a fight and know you did it because you weren’t afraid of the other person, but because you’re wise and smart. Sign up for the A.O.M.A. family and take advantage of the course, Learn the Basics of Martial Arts. Or you can join our monthly membership program, where many are saving 23% on the cyclic courses being offered. It is a wise thing to take these courses in the order that I have laid out, because the previous course sets you up for the following course.